More noise.

I know I've been absent from here a lot lately. I could give you a whole litany of excuses.

I've been working a lot.

I'm too tired.

I've been reading instead.

I'm too lazy.

But the real reason? I just don't have anything to say.

I feel as though anything I could post on here would be contrived, superfluous, more noise in an already noisy age full of unnecessary things and information. I don't have anything informative or useful to contribute here.

So where does that leave me?

This is not about baseball.

Here in St. Louis, everyone and everything seems to be about the Cardinals' home opener today. But no sports here, friends. We're talking children's TV shows again. 

Here's some Winnie the Pooh to brighten your day:

I only discovered this recently, when I had to Google the phrase "Tut tut, it looks like rain." It just makes me smile every time I think of it.

What was (or is) your favorite children's song from when you were little?

I may or may not like weird music.

Today's music is brought to by PBS. Yep. Sometime last week I caught most of a spectacular documentary about the folk singer, Joan Baez. She was one of the most famous folk singers ever, (Despite crippling stage fright, which she suffered for years!) and she is intensely involved in spreading messages of peace. She has been to numerous warzones, and during the Vietnam War she protested the draft, repeatedly getting arrested, only to go right back to protesting.You can find more information on her website here.

This particular song was written about Bob Dylan. They toured together in the 1960's, and they were also romantically involved. Here's a link to the lyrics.

I love this song because we all have times in our life that are like this, so full of beautiful and terrible memories, and sometimes they come back to us, playing over and over like a movie reel. I love that this song is so honest about this particular time in her life. She lays their story, her emotions all out on the table.

I'm also in love with her voice. I encourage you to go listen to some of her other music. She's really fantastic.

Can someone tell me what I'm doing here?

There's a question I've been asking. A question, I'm sure, everyone eventually asks in their lifetime, probably more than once, even. The question?

What am I for?

Is there some sort of goal I'm supposed to aim for, some sort of purpose my life is supposed to serve? Is there more to the menial life I lead of work, sleep, and church?

Not to say church is menial. Being a Christian in itself gives life some sort of meaning. However, just because one believes in God doesn't mean one will never feel as though they're wandering in the woods. Which is what I frequently feel like I'm doing.

I have this silly idea that I was supposed to have it all figured out by now. If any of you actually knew what you wanted to do by the time you were 26, please comment below.

Maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe there isn't some grand design for our lives, some one singular goal to strive for.

I'll confess, part of me has bought into the lie that society is peddling that your worth lies in your job, in how much money you make, in the things that you have. When I feel bad about the fact that I work an hourly wage job in the service industry, I have to consciously remind myself that it's all a lie. Everything about my current job, according to culture, is bad. An hourly wage is somehow lower in stature than a salary; serving someone is somehow lower in stature than ruling over someone.

All of this said and done, I don't want to work for Starbucks forever.

I would like it if one of you could post in the comments some steps, a list I could follow in order to succeed at life. That would be super handy, although I'm pretty certain it doesn't work like that.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore...

I considered piggybacking off of Kirsti's Movie Monday again this week, but then I decided it would be cheating, a little. But she did post about the movie "Music and Lyrics" which I will shamelessly admit that I love. So you all should go read it. Right now.

Anyway, I don't know how to intro this one. It's completely ridiculous. It was introduced to me by my friend Renee. It's a song called "Boten Anna" by a Swedish dude called Basshunter. I'm sharing it with you because nothing about the video makes sense, and it makes me laugh endlessly.

It has something to do with a guy being in love with this person he's chatting online with, who he thinks is a robot, but who actually turns out to be a real person. (There's a wikipedia page for it, in case you care.) There is next to nothing about this video that would clue me in on what it's actually about, and that's kind of why I love it.

I love that he's standing on a paddle boat dancing, I love that the rearview mirror in that weird yellow car was totally broken, I love that in the logical place in the song where a big dance break would occur, there was just like, a shot of a rave or something.

I love watching a weird music video and getting to the end and having that "What did I just watch?" sort of reaction.

So, friends, what's your favorite bizarre music video?

Also, I think this is the bottom, guys. I need your help! Give me music suggestions for future posts!

I'm not okay.

I had a difficult time writing this post. I've been struggling lately, with my own emotions.

I recognize that I am a highly emotional person. I feel things very strongly. You'd think that after 26 years of living with this particular personality quirk, that I would be able to embrace it. But I can't.

Something has told me that it's not okay for emotion to be the governing force in my life, that I must be cold and logical instead.

And while I am able to logic my way through my emotions and discern which particular feelings may be completely irrational and why I'm having them, for me, for some reason, that's not enough. For a reason I can't quite explain, if I could make myself less emotional I would.

I hate having emotions so strong that I feel like I'm still going through puberty. I hate crying at the drop of a hat about things that don't deserve tears. I hate getting angry about stuff that should only be mildly irritating. I hate being overly excited about things, because of the way people fake smile and go "That's great."

I know that the thing that matters is not the having of emotions, but the reaction to said emotions. I know that I can't control the emotions, and that's okay, but that I can control my reaction to them.

But I still don't know how to be okay with this part of myself.

ALL THE FEELINGS.

Today's music is brought to you by Kirsti. Well, sort of. Her "Movie Monday" this week was Moulin Rouge, and she was kind enough to post this gem from the movie!

This is one of my favorite scenes in the movie because OH MY GOODNESS THE FEELINGS. I'm definitely going to be watching this movie again this week. Thanks, K!

So friends, what music do you have on repeat this week?