Sunday, September 27, 2009

Wow. I MIGHT be in a little over my head. I'm taking a graduate-level course this semester, Choral Literature. It's stressing me out. I'm not really too familiar with a lot of choral repertoire, so for the take home quizzes and stuff I kind of feel like I'm shooting blindly and randomly into the woods hoping I'll hit a deer. But I have to do this class. I have to finish, or else I don't graduate. So I'll manage somehow.

Also, I've been walking A LOT lately. Like when I'm bored in the afternoons/evenings with nothing to do (correction: nothing that I care to do, such as homework), I'll go on a walk. Also, I've been walking to school a lot lately, which is almost 2 miles. My size 10 pants are starting to fit a lot looser (I have to wear a belt, even!), although I don't think that I'm small enough yet to go back to my size 8 pants. Okay, you may say, "But Leah, size 10 isn't big at all!" I know. But it's not my best. I was a size 8 for a long time before I gained weight over the summer. I know I can be a size 8. So that's what I'm striving for. Also, my senior recital dress is a size 8. So if I don't fit in it, I'll look BAD.

While I'm on the note of fulfilling semester goals (re: my post a few weeks ago regarding things I wanted to accomplish this semester), my acne is starting to clear up. Huzzah! I think it was so bad because:
A) I wasn't drinking nearly enough water as I should have been. I've been better about this lately.
B) My stress level was slightly higher, and has since gone down a little. Or maybe I'm just getting better about dealing with it. I don't know.
C) For a while after I got back to school, my hormones were going all insane and stuff because all of a sudden I was living with 3 other girls. I think they're starting to adjust now.
D) (more of a sub-point of A) I'm eating a lot healthier than I was this summer.
E) (also mor of a sub-point of A) I'm a lot more physically active than I was over the summer.

So overall, my self-esteem is starting to up a little bit. I do have my moments, but who doesn't?

Oh, annoying story. So, I get in my car to go to church this morning, and it doesn't start. The battery is dead. So by the time AAA gets someone out to my house to jump it, it's 10am. Church is at 10:15 out in Woodridge, 40 minutes away. So...there goes church this morning. And on top of it, the guy didn't even have a new battery to put in my car, like AAA said they would. The battery truck doesn't go out on the weekends. So I have to wait until tomorrow to call AAA AGAIN so they can send ANOTHER PERSON out to my house to replace the battery. Which means that I either have to ride my bike to school tomorrow at 6:30am (I'm not a fan of this option. Riding my bike makes me more tired than I care to be. Also sweaty. I don't like being sweaty all day.) OR get up WAY before the butt-crack of dawn so I can leave my apartment at 6am to walk to school to be at work by 7am. (I like walking infinitely better than riding my bike, but I'm not a fan of getting up that early.) Eff. Whatevs. I'm still not sure what I'll do. I probably won't decide until right before I go to bed.

Oh, on top of the car thing, my computer isn't working. None of the programs will run. I took it to cougarnet today. Hopefully they can fix it. If not, I might be screwed.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

We've decided to sever all contact. Shannon and I, that is. I think this will be both easier and difficult. We did it to give each other more space. And we think that we'll get jealous of the other person if we know about people we might start casually dating. And that doesn't really make sense, since we're not together anymore.

I'm still planning on moving to Springfield sometime after I graduate. So until then, until we're ready to make contact again, no phone, no texts, no facebook, twitter, nothing. We're not even going to read each others' blogs.

But for some reason, I feel lonely. I miss having someone to talk to at the end of the day. Because I never see my roommates, and I don't really hang out with friends too often (because I can be kind of a loser sometimes). I guess maybe I don't think many of my friends will care too much about how my day went.

I do know that it needs to be this way. We need some time away from each other. We need to not be fighting. Long distance stopped working for us a long time ago.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Today was a good day, partly because I woke up this morning and told myself it would be a good day.

I talked to him today. And it was good. I think that's part of why it was a good day. I think one of the reasons why I was so miserable the last couple of days was because it felt like someone died. I hated not being able to talk to him. It felt taboo, but then today I just bit the bullet and did it. And it was pretty normal. We didn't fight or anything. I'm not really sure how he feels about this, if he thinks it's more torture to talk to me and us not be together than for us to just sever all contact. I don't know. . . I just want us both to be happy.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Tomorrow WILL be a good day. Tomorrow will be a GOOD day. TOMORROW will be a good day. TOMORROW WILL BE A GOOD DAY.
I made the stupid mistake of listening to sad and depressing music while I was walking to school this morning. Not long after I got there, I broke down in a bathroom and started crying. It still hurts. It hurts so much. But I know that if we got back together, nothing would get better, not really. This really is for the best. In my head, I know that. But my heart still hurts so much.

Monday, September 14, 2009

I missed you today. I thought about you all day. I know that it needs to be this way, I know that this way we aren't hurting each other anymore. But that doesn't change the fact that I do miss you. A lot.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sorry if this seems bitchy. But I just want to be clear about this. I'm going to say it once.

Shannon and I broke up today. I just wanted to get that out there so that neither of us keeps getting questions. No, I don't feel like talking about it. I don't feel like explaining to you all of the gory details because, frankly, it's not really any of your business. If you really needed to know, then you would know by now. So questions aren't really necessary.

I just wanted to get that out there so that we don't keep getting questions. Because, to be honest, they're kind of annoying.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


I've decided to set some goals for myself. These goals must be achieved no later than November 20th, seeing as most of them pertain to my Senior voice Recital, which is on November 20th at 4pm. Here they are:

  • Lose approx. one pant/dress size.
  • Find a pair of silver heels.
  • Be zit-free by Nov. 20th.
  • Find an AWESOME shade of red lipstick.
  • Get a pedicure.
  • Find someone to do my hair for my recital.
  • Learn how to actually keep my bedroom clean.