Sunday, July 29, 2012

Ben & Jerry's and the Unexplained

It was very difficult for me to start this post, friends. I got home from work today, completely and utterly exhausted.

But the thing is, it isn't so much physical exhaustion.

I found myself curled up in my chair with my baby blanket, my teddy bear and a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream watching Olympic coverage. And I realized.

I'm sad, friends.

I'm sad, and there's just no reason for it.

For some of you, this won't make sense. But for a lot of you, I know you understand. I know you understand how you can just need to curl up with a blanket by yourself, how you can feel sad and a little depressed and not quite understand the cause of it.

I've had someone ask me why I can't just be happy.

Because sometimes, it's not that easy.

Sometimes you just need to curl up on the couch with your Ben & Jerry's and be sad for a while.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Rainy Days

I was going to be so productive, you guys. My shift tonight at my part-time job selling ladies' panties (Raise your hand if you hate the word "panties.") was cancelled, and I was going to get so much done, you guys.

I was going to clean my bedroom, and my bathroom, and maybe even the kitchen.

But then it started raining. I don't know about you, but it starts raining, and I lose all desire for productivity.

What is it about a rainy day that makes us want to crawl in bed and nap, or curl up in our favorite comfy chair with a good book or our favorite movie with a cup of coffee or cocoa or tea?

Is it the darkening sky in the middle of the day? The wonderfully soothing smell of rain? The sound? 

Whatever the cause, it always manages to chase away every last desire in me to do anything resembling work.

So what did I do instead of cleaning?

I sat on my balcony and enjoyed a cup of iced earl grey tea (Yep. Be jealous.) and read my favorite book ever. (Which happens to be White Oleander by Janet Fitch. In case you were wondering.)

I also took a trip to the bookstore, sat in the aisles reading the books, and then purchased my own copy of The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, instead of still borrowing Emily's copy. (Don't worry, Em! I'm going to mail it back to you! I promise!)

Last but not least, I made myself comfortable on my balcony again where I'm currently taking a break after watching Doctor Who (Season 4, "Silence in the Library," in case you were wondering.) to write this blog and enjoy the deliciously orange evening light.

Eh. That sounds productive, doesn't it? It involves books, and reading, and getting dressed and going places. Yes. Productive.

Now, I know I'm not the only one who suffers from rainy day laziness. What's your vice on a rainy day?

Sunday, July 22, 2012


Everyone is talking about it. That's perfectly understandable. Why did it happen? Who's to blame? What's to blame? Everyone keeps saying how sorry they are, what a tragedy it is.

And it is a tragedy. A terrible tragedy.

But I'd be lying if I said news of mass shootings like the one this week in Colorado shock me anymore.

I was in middle school when the Columbine High School shooting happened in 1999, and it seems to me that ever since then, more and more of these terrible random shootings happen every year.

In the inevitable debate from the aftermath of this most recent shooting, I keep seeing people cast the blame on a lack of gun control here in the US.

But are we really that surprised that it happened? Honestly, I'm not.

In a country where movies and television shows depicting terrible death for entertainment, are we surprised?

In a country where children play video games which enable them to act out a death and war fantasy for fun, are we surprised?

History tells us there used to be another country, an empire, where its citizens gathered together to enjoy watching the slaughter of others.

And we condemn that history openly, we say how barbaric it was.

But with our violence-filled entertainment, are we really that different from Rome?

The thing is, America is beginning to remind me more and more of the things that I know of Ancient Rome.

Don't mistake me. I'm as guilty as everyone else of partaking of violent entertainment. And I'm starting to question it. I'm starting to question my choice of entertainment.

Please don't take me for one of those people who say that the video games are to blame.

I'm also not suggesting the government police the things that we watch on television or in movies, the video games people play, the books people read.

What I am suggesting is that maybe a lack of gun control isn't the only culprit.

Perhaps we ought reexamine the entertainment we surround ourselves with. Perhaps we ought to examine what drives these so obviously ill and desperate people to do these awful things. Perhaps we ought not to be so quick to blame gun control.

The real root of this problem is too complex to blame on one issue.

These terrible shootings are a perfect storm of bad things: easy access to weapons, a mentally unstable person with a lack of adequate resources available to them, and an entertainment industry which suggests this sort of violence is an acceptable response.

I'm not convinced taking guns away from people will fix anything.

Thursday, July 19, 2012


For two days this week, I was privileged to serve with my Dad and best friend, Emily in Joplin, MO. This week, they're there with a group of others from their church, conducting Camp Noah at a church and school there.

Camp Noah is a program designed specifically to help kids who have lived through natural disasters.

The tornado in Joplin was over a year ago. But there are still so many children who have been through such terrible things, who are still hurting so much.

It seems to me that children are a little bit forgotten when terrible disasters like tornadoes happen. People are eager to help, eager to volunteer their time to rebuild. But what about the mental and emotional damage the children suffer?

I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm not trying to guilt you into giving your time or money into programs like Camp Noah.

But at the very least, pray for these children, not just in Joplin, but everywhere who still suffer so greatly from these kinds of disasters, and pray for those who minister to them.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Another List, Pt. 2, or Why the World Needs List-Makers

Today's post is brought to you by the letter "L." "L" stands for "lists."

If you've been following at home, you'll know I love lists. You'll also know I blogged about lists in list form, here.

Yep. That's how nerdy I am. I'm spending not only one post, but TWO posts talking about how great lists are. But that's not the point. The point is, LISTS.

Reasons Why The World Needs Lists
1. If you make a list, you won't need to remember.
Don't you hate it when you can't remember the thing you told yourself you were going to do? Or that stuff you were going to get from the grocery store? If you write it down, you won't forget. More importantly, you won't need to remember it.

2. Lists are cool.
I make lists. Lists are cool.

3. Lists make everything go more smoothly.
For example, I made it in and out of Walmart this evening in a timely manner, thanks to my shopping list! And I only experienced homicidal feelings once.

4. They make you seem organized.
 You may actually be a slob like me, but if you make a list, people will think, "Hey, they made a list. That's something that organized people do. They must be organized too!"

Moral of the story? Make lists. They're cool. They make you look organized. You won't need to work to remember stuff. Everything will go quicker. And you won't kill people.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

11 Facts, 11 Questions

So a few days ago Kirsti over at Melbourne on My Mind tagged me in this post. So now I'm supposed to share 11 facts about myself and answer 11 of her questions. But I'm not going to tag anyone else. Kirsti already pretty much tagged all of the blogs I follow. Oh, except for two. So here they are:

My Dad! at Thoughts of a Traveler
Racheal, at Memoirs of an Amazon

Now, down to business.

11 Facts About ME

1. I have a tendency to be irrationally afraid of being alone.
My roommate and I keep a softball bat in the front closet, for safety purposes, and when she's gone at night I sleep with it by my bed. You know, in case someone breaks in and tries to kill me in my bed. I'm also irrationally afraid of showering when I'm home alone. I blame the movie Psycho. I've never seen it, but I know the pretty girl gets it when she's showering.

2. I love the smell of library books.
I don't know why. I just do.

3. I really want more tattoos.
I've got one on my back and a small one on my left wrist. But I really want to be one of those girls who can get away with having a huge backpiece, or a sleeve or something. But I don't know what I would get. Sad panda.

4. I stole that phrase "sad panda" from Kirsti.

5. I try and work quotes from Doctor Who into everyday life without anyone noticing.
My most favorite to use is "Just stand there, cos I'm gonna hug you." Recently though I was prompted to use "Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead."

6. I am exceedingly messy.
Anyone who's ever lived with me ever can attest to this.

7. I HATE cooking.
I can cook. A little. But I don't like to. Most of the time it's just too much effort to waste on just myself. My future husband better be able to cook. Just saying.

8. I hate hardcover books.
I only buy paperback books. Hardcovers are expensive, the dustcovers are annoying, and they don't fit easily into a purse.

9. I love guacamole.
If you put a huge bowl of it in front of me, I WILL eat the whole thing. By myself. It's kind of a problem.

10. It takes a lot for me to want to not finish a book or movie.
For me to leave either unfinished, it has to be either really bad or really boring.

11. I have this really awesome ability to be irrationally emotional and logical at the same time.
I'll have a irrational emotional reaction to something, but at the same time I'll be able to recognize the irrationality of the reaction I'm having.

And now, on to the questions!

11 Questions

1. What were your favourite and least favourite classes in school?
Least favourite [I'll go ahead and continue with the non-American spelling of that word. ;)] would be anything math or science related. I HATED IT. Favorite was pretty much anything music, art, or literature related.

2. If you could drop one of the following through a black hole with no possibility of return, which would you pick? a) The Kardashians, b)Octomum, c)Tony Abbott, d) Sarah Palin, or e)Lara Bingle?
First, I don't know who Tony Abbott or Lara Bingle are. So my answer would be pretty much either "a" or "d" is fine with me. Yep.

3. What's the best musical you've ever seen?
Do you realize you just asked someone who studied theatre AND music in college what her favorite musical is?

4. If you could travel to one place on earth without needing to worry about money, where would it be?
I have to pick one? I want to travel everywhere! But if I had to pick one I would say Zihuatanejo, Mexico, but only if I can stay forever. I went there with my family in January and wrote a little about it here. It's beautiful there.

5. Would you rather be trapped in a room full of screaming One Direction fans, or in a room with a flower that smells like rotting meat?
I can abide neither bad smells nor crowds of screaming girls. I really dislike you, Kirsti for putting this question to me. Okay, so...Flower that smells bad. Final answer.

6. Which five fictional characters would you invite to a dinner party?
Hehe. I love this question.

Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones
Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings
Martha, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf
Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter
Hamlet, Hamlet (But only so I can tell him what a dumbass he is!)

Should be an interesting dinner party, huh?

7. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Artist, veterinarian, singer, writer, actress. But right now, I have no clue.

8. If you could go back in time to see one band in concert, which band would it be?
The Beatles. But only if you could guarantee there would be no screaming girls.

9. To quote Cordelia from the pilot episode of Buffy, what's your childhood trauma?
Hmm. Come over and have tea, and I'll tell you all about it.

10. Do you sing in the shower?
Surprisingly, no. I do however sing pretty much everywhere else.

11. Would you rather go to the Louvre or the Metropolitan Museum of Art?
Can I say neither and pick the opera?

Okay, kids. And by kids I mean Dad and Racheal. Here are your 11 questions, should you choose to accept this mission.

1. What's your biggest pet peeve?
2. What's your most embarrassing moment from your childhood?
3. If you were forced to participate in a volatile debate about either religion or politics, which would you choose?
4. What is the best meal you've ever eaten?
5. Who is your favorite fictional character and why?
6. Would you rather watch a presidential debate or an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians?
7. What are your top 5 favorite movies?
8. List three words that best describe you.
9. What is the absolute worst movie you've ever seen?
10. Do you have any bad habits?
11. Who has been the most influential person in your life so far?

This message will now self-destruct.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Things Better Left Unsaid

I wrote a post, which contained things I probably shouldn't share with the great wide internet. I had every intention of publishing it, but figured that it wouldn't help anything. I would still feel an ache in my chest. It wouldn't change a thing.

If you're reading this, I think of you often. And darling, whatever happens, you matter to me. Always.

Thursday, July 5, 2012


I don't have very much Thursday left. I was going to post about yesterday being the 4th of July.

I was going to tell you about how when I was a kid, I lived for the years I could visit my grandparents on July 4th. Their town is on a lake, and they had a days-long festival called Aqua Boom, culminating, as the name suggests, fireworks on the lake.

I was going to tell you about how, when I was watching fireworks with my roommate last night, I thought of how much I loved those fireworks as child. And I thought of how much my grandfather loved his country, and the 4th of July. And I was going to tell you how much I loved him, how much I still loved him.

I was going to tell you just how much my heart began to hurt as I watched those fireworks last night. That's what this post was going to be about.

But I'm tired of talking about how much I miss my grandfather. I'm tired of it hurting so badly.

I'm running out of words to describe the ache I still have in my heart, more than a year later. And I'm running out of Thursday.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Who wants to bring me ice cream?

Guys, I'm exhausted. A piece of advice? Only work two jobs if you like being tired all the time.

This week was especially awful because I was sick earlier this week, as I discussed in my last post.

Also, I wore bad shoes to my part time job this weekend and that made it SO MUCH WORSE. I know guys, I really should have known better. But they were just so darn cute!

But that's not the point. The point is, the extra money is SUPER nice, BUT I'm always tired.

That's my answer for when people ask me how I am. 90% of the time I answer the question with "I'm tired."

But that's okay. At least I don't have sleeping problems anymore.

Oh, and you're probably wondering about the title for this post. Yet again I find myself wanting ice cream, but not wanting to leave my apartment. Someone please fix this.