How Disney Ruined My Life

As a preface,

I'm sorry, internet friends.

I'm a terrible blogger.

I just haven't had much to say lately.

I've been caught up in work,

NaNoWriMo, (Which I'm losing, by the way!)

reading lots of books,

and some other stuff.

But I'll try and be a better blog friend. I promise.

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The other night, I couldn't sleep. What else is new, right? But this time, it was Disney's fault. 

Yep. I just blamed Disney for my insomnia. (But by the time this post is done, that's not the only thing I'll blame Disney for.) The topic my brain was musing on was the title of this post. How Disney ruined my life. 

Don't get me wrong. Disney is awesome and they put out some great, entertaining movies. I was raised on Disney movies, as were so many other girls.

But Disney had a way of twisting fairy tales (which were originally slightly frightening stories, most of whose goal was to scare small children into behaving.) into a story where the discouraged, down-and-out, misfit heroine meets a handsome prince and lives happily ever after. 

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Snow White: (1937) A certain friend of mine, whose favorite fairy tale is Snow White, is probably saying "Now hold on just a minute!" But hang in with me, friends. 

 

Now, I get that Snow White is just a victim here. Her evil stepmother is pissed because Snow White is prettier, so she wants her dead. It's not Snow White's fault she has to hide in the forest. It's not her fault she bites a poisoned apple. It's not her fault.

Moral of the Story: If you have a wicked stepmother who has it out for you, and you end up in a coma with a bunch of dwarves keeping watch over you, don't worry. A prince will come along and kiss your corpse-like lips and you'll live happily ever after.  

What we learned from Disney: If you end up in a coma, all you need is a prince to kiss you.

Cinderella: (1950) Now, with this one, I'm starting to think Disney is trying to tell us something about stepmothers.

Again, I get that Cinderella is a victim. It's not her fault her mom is dead. It's not her fault her father married a huge b****, who has two evil little children. 

Moral of the Story: If you have a stepmother and stepsisters, they'll mistreat you, and make you do all the cleaning. But don't worry, just be submissive and sweet and invisible, and you'll get by just fine.

What we learned from Disney: If your life sucks, your fairy godmother will fix it so that you'll marry a prince.

 

Sleeping Beauty: (1959) Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Sleeping Beauty. Prince Phillip is my FAVORITE Disney prince. There's nothing like slaying a dragon that proves a man loves you.

Again, Aurora is a victim. It's not her fault her stupid parents forgot to invite Maleficent to the party. (Hell, I'd be pissed, too if I didn't get an invite to the party of the century.) It's not her fault nobody told her if she touched a spinning wheel she'd go into a coma. (Again, with the comas!) 

Moral of the Story: If touching a spinning wheel sends you into a coma, don't worry. If you fall in love with a boy you just meet and then have to leave him because you're a princess, don't worry. Don't worry, because he's the prince you're already engaged to.

What we learned from Disney: A man you just met will always be there to risk life and limb and slay a dragon for you.

The Little Mermaid: (1989) Imagine my delight as a little red-headed child, to have a Disney movie come out with a heroine WHO HAS RED HAIR. During bathtime, and when we went swimming, I used to lay back, swish my hair back and forth and pretend I was Ariel. And that picture to the right? I totally did that pose on the edge of the bathtub.

But when you get right down to it, this is one of the most messed up movies of all. 

Ariel, I get it. You're 16 and no one understands you. Your controlling, overbearing father won't let you above the ocean and explore. You're the victim here. It's not like humans won't capture you and exploit you for being a freak or anything. They're completely trustworthy, and your father is wrong. 

Yeah, right.

This version of the story by Hans Christian Andersen is kind of a piece of crap. Did you know that instead of being rewarded for rebellion, in the original story our lovely heroine kills herself? Yep. That's right. She kills herself because Eric falls in love with someone else.

Moral of the Story: If you're 16 and fall in love with a guy a different species than you, don't worry. Don't worry because the sea witch will steal your voice (the one thing you have going for you) and turn you into a human. If you run away from home and disobey your parents, don't worry.

What we learned from Disney: If you disobey every order your parents give you because they love you, it's okay, because in the end, you'll get rewarded for it. You'll marry a handsome prince who is a different species than you are, and your dad will look on with happiness thinking, "I'm so glad she disobeyed me."

I could go on, but I won't. These are, in my opinion, the worst offenders Disney has to offer. The basic thing Disney is teaching us? "Someday my prince will come." Thanks to Disney, girls and women everywhere are waiting for Prince Charming to wake us from our coma, for Prince Phillip to slay a dragon for us, for Prince Eric to love us even though we're freaks.

We're waiting for Happily Ever After. But the truth is, Happily Ever After just doesn't exist. 

People aren't perfect. Relationships aren't perfect. 

A fact that Disney continually and conveniently overlooks.

So thanks, Disney. Thanks for my unreasonable expectations for romance and relationships. Way to go.

I Am

I am nothing more than a small child throwing a tantrum because they can't have their way.

I always want to be able to do it myself.

I am on a constant quest for independence. 

I am a sinner.

I desire a life apart from God.

Hear my confession.

I confess that I am lost without Christ. I confess that anything I attempt on my own, without Him, I fail. I confess that I want nothing more than complete and utter independence. I confess that I constantly stray from God. I confess that I try to live on my own terms, and fail. I confess that while I desire a life apart from God, I recognize that this isn't possible.

I don't deserve God's grace. I don't deserve for Him to constantly come and find me when I lose my way. But He does. He always does. His grace is endless, His love relentless. I am constantly caught between my own sin, and His grace, a seemingly endless struggle between my will and His.


I am like Israel, constantly running away from God, then returning, seemingly full of repentance.

I am nothing more than a sheep, and

I would be lost without my Shepherd.

Regret

And it's true that we never really knew each other.
I told you my secret and what do I have to show for it?
Nothing.
You don't know me because you won't let me tell you.
You won't let me be honest with you.
And I don't know you because, what?
You're "afraid of hurting me"?
As long as I live, I'll never understand you.
I. . .
I never should have told you a single damn thing.
I regret it.
I regret all of it.

 But I'll always miss you, my darling.

The time the Earth stood still

Lost in a sea of right and wrong,
Should and shouldn't,
Do and do not,
Yours is the only face I see.

None of that seemed to matter,
My head swimming with wine,
The sunlight on our skin,
Your arms around me.


That moment was all I could make sense of,
The sheer bliss of being held by someone,
When the whole world melts away.


And even now,
Even after,
I long to be back there.


In that instant,
That instant of abandon,
It was all I wanted for you to kiss me,
The time the Earth stood still.

-LCM, 10/25/11

I Think I Watch Too Much Law & Order

Everyone has fears. Some are logical, and make sense. Some are silly and irrational and serve no good purpose. I have some of those.

1. Being Killed In My Sleep. 
2. Open Doors While I Sleep. I cannot sleep if the door to the room, or the closet door is open while I sleep. This is directly related to #1. I'm afraid someone will creep in the open door and kill me before I ever hear them come in.
3. Being Alone At Night. My roommate and I keep a metal softball bat in our front hall closet. When she's away, I have to keep it on the floor next to my bed while I sleep. This is also related to #1.
4. Looking Into Mirrors In The Dark. It's the whole "Bloody Mary" thing that grade school kids do. They scarred me for life.
5. Showering At Night. I never saw Psycho, but I know the pretty girl gets killed in the shower. I'm always terrified that someone is going to pull back the curtain and attack me with a knife. Again, related to #1.

So basically, the moral of the story, is that I have an irrational fear of being killed in my apartment. I think I watch too much Law & Order.

(I must confess I didn't come up with this post on my own. I read a list of irrational fears on another blog. I think it was here. Or here. I can't quite remember. Oops.)

Things I Learned When I Was 24

(My birthday was last Tuesday. I turned 25.)

• Protect your heart. But not too much. If you're too protective, you'll shut out the ones who really care about you.
• It's okay to be lonely.
• It's okay to make mistakes. They're not the end of the world. Try your best. Apologize sincerely if you hurt someone. Most of the time people will be able to forgive your mistakes.
• Sometimes, life hurts. 
• You can do more than you think you can.
• You will lose people you love. And it will hurt. Badly. And the most random things will remind you of them and send tears down your face. It's okay to cry.
• God wants you to enjoy His creation. Get off your phone or computer and GO OUTSIDE.

25 is going to be AWESOME. I just know it.

I Will Allure Her, And Bring Her Into The Wilderness

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, 

and bring her into the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her.

I've been reading the first part of the book of Hosea a lot lately. A LOT. Almost every day. God is really trying to reach me, using this specific book. 

To fill you in, if you aren't familiar with the book of Hosea, it's a story. It's the story of the prophet Hosea. God told Hosea to go marry a prostitute named Gomer. Yep. A prostitute. Someone who was destined to be unfaithful to him. 

Hosea was a living illustration of Israel's relationship with God. Israel's history was a constant running away from and going back to God. Over and over Israel would turn away from God and then repent. 

This is the story of Hosea and Gomer. Gomer would leave Hosea, then he would bring her back, then she would leave again. Over and over.

I feel as though I've been like Gomer. I've been unfaithful to God. I haven't made a relationship with him a priority. I've been going to church, but it's mostly been going through the motions for me. I forget him for work, friends, etc. 

I build walls around my heart to protect myself from the hurt I'm feeling, and I shut out God in the process. I recognize that in order for God to heal me, I'll have to hurt more. And it scares me. So I run away.

Last week or so, I picked up my Bible and read the book of Hosea for the first time in a long time. And one passage really resonated with me.

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, 

and bring her into the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her.

Hosea 2:14

The past year or more, I've been unhappy. I'm unhappy living in Branson. I'm lonely. But at the same time, God is trying desperately to reach me, to change me, to win me. 

Is this making any sense? I suppose I'm still looking for an explanation as to why I'm in Branson. I'm trying to find something I can learn from all this. I feel like I've been operating without a purpose for so long. I've been operating without God for too long.

I think this is my wilderness, this stage of life I'm in. God has led me out into the wilderness to teach me. And I'm trying desperately to listen.