I've been really bored with my wardrobe lately. So today after work, I decided to go shopping to look for a new addition to my wardrobe, particularly one of those pretty sundresses. This plan backfired. Severely. Nothing fit right, everything showed every single roll. And I ended up feeling awful. I realized that it's been a long time since I've felt beautiful. All I see when I look in the mirror are the extra inches on my waist and hips and thighs, the rolls on my stomach, my back fat, my acne, the awkward in-between stage my hair is in right now. I can't see past all of that and see someone who's beautiful. And I realized that I'm really affected by the media's concept of beautiful. All of the latest women's clothing trends are for women who are 5'7" and skinny as a rail. (Evidence: the leggings with tunics, the cute yet shapeless sundresses, the skinny jean, etc.) And none of them look right on me, despite the fact that they come on my size.
The fact is, despite the small amount of progress in the past few years, the fashion world, and indeed the media, too still encourages women to be a size that frankly, most of us just aren't. Look at the size of most women in commercials for things like women's clothing, perfume, makeup, hair products, even Target ads. Real women don't look like that.
I realize that it's a great accomplishment to even notice and accept that fact. But it still remains that I don't feel beautiful. And I think it's the media's fault.
Take a look at sex symbols from days gone by: Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, take your pick. Odds are, any female sex symbol from the 1940's-60's were what the modeling world today would consider "plus size." Women envied them and men wanted to be with them. What changed?
Twiggy changed everything. Guess how she got the nickname. Since Twiggy, popular perception of what beautiful is has never been the same. You could say I harbor a little resentment towards her. But I suppose it's not her fault she's so skinny.
And it doesn't help to be angry and resentful. It doesn't help one bit, even though I'm both of those things. So here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to try not to compare myself to other people, even if I think they're prettier than I am.
I'm going to ignore what the media is telling me I should look like, and ignore the fact that I feel like I'm the exact opposite.
Think of this blog as me liberating myself from what the world is telling me to be, my liberation from self-pity, from self-deprecation, from a poor self-image and self-esteem. Think of this as me saying f*** you to the fashion world, because it's not me that doesn't fit. It's them.