After having grown up in the Lutheran school system, and gone to Concordia Chicago, where it's the norm to know exactly what you're going to do with the rest of your life, it's left me with... a kind of complex, I guess. Most of time, this life plan is some variation on teacher, DCE, or going to Seminary. And lots of times one of these includes marriage. Now, it's great that my classmates know what they want to do with their lives. But as someone who likes to have a plan, who likes to know the next step, who's a bit of a control freak, this in combination with my complex from going to Concordia, it kills me that I'm not quite sure about a career to pursue.
Earlier this week, I went back to Concordia for a visit. I can't even count how many people said, "So what are you doing now? Are you teaching?" NO. I'M NOT TEACHING. In the Lutheran world, teaching or some sort of "church work" profession (I hate that term to begin with, but that's another story) is kind of pressed on you. It's the norm. It's actually kind of expected of you, and you're just a little bit...off, a little different if DON'T choose it.
I feel like so many career options, options that would appease so many people, have to be thrown out simply because of my personality. I would be a horrible church worker for several reasons. While I do respect authority, I don't if I don't agree with the authority. And I have several issues with the Lutheran church (also another story). I hate having to jump through hoops, and I don't like playing by other people's rules. I get annoyed really easily. Stupid people annoy me. Mean people annoy me. Now, these reasons overlap with reasons I shouldn't be a teacher. I'm impatient. I hate large groups. I'm NOT a people person. Empathy is a trait that doesn't come naturally to me. Like logic, I'm able to employ it (I mean, I'm not a sociopath), but it's not a part of my natural thought process.
I guess right now I'm at the stage of figuring out all the things I WOULDN'T be right for. I'm not quite sure how to progress to the stage of figuring out all of the things I WOULD be right for.
It's just a little ironic that I have a job that involves most of the characteristics I DON'T possess. The REALLY ironic part? I do well there.
Oh Leah! Maybe God is trying to show you that you do HAVE those gifts, you just don't notice them and have not taken the time to perfect them? Also, I spent more time than I care to remember doing the same thing you are doing, wondering what I was going to do with my life, feeling like i had no future, wondering what purpose I had. There are days I still do wonder. Day by day God reveals himself to us and ourselves to us as well. I also toy with seminary, with other careers, etc. It's hard to really know sometimes. But know that just because you are not teaching or in church work or any other 'expected' concordia career, does not lessen who you are or what your future can hold. You are still awesome and loved and God's awesome child!
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