Thursday, March 12, 2009

Conducting vs. Directing/excercising/coffee addiction

I continue to feel torn between my two majors: music and theatre. I feel each tugging me in separate directions. I want to go to graduate school, but I feel each major begging me, "Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!" and I don't know which one to study in graduate school. I love both directing plays and conducting. I love the control I have with both. There's a certain balance between control and letting go and letting things happen. In conducting, I love the fact that my hands start to shake almost violently with nervousness and excitement and exhilaration everytime I conduct, and continue to shake for several minutes afterwards. With directing, I love shaping the actors, and leading them to where I want them to be, and also letting them suprise me with wonderful interpretations that I didn't expect. I could go on and on about both of these for longer than I probably should. Maybe I could get a double masters degree.... That would solidify my insanity. Slash it would take me forever.

On another note, I am extremely excited for the Kapelle Home Concert on Saturday at 7:30pm in the Chapel of Our Lord! You should come! It will be amazing!

On yet another completely separate subject, Spring Tour has made me lazy. It has made me not want to exercise and not want to eat healthy. I can't even remember the last time I exercised. I'll start exercising again next week. I think it'll be tough to get back in the groove. I might have to build back up to it.

Today I was thinking about when I realized I was addicted to caffeine. It was several months ago, and I was writing a paper and really stressed out and going nuts. I got some coffee from the Library Cafe at school (cuz I was writing a paper in the library) and I took a sip and just sighed, and suddenly everything was ok. I wasn't stressed out anymore. I was even almost relaxed. And then I realized, if coffee is making me relaxed, and making me breathe sighs of relief, then I'm definitely addicted to caffeine. I've been thinking about replicating that sigh of relief I feel when I'm super stressed and have a drink of coffee so that I can be not stressed out and relaxed more often, without the aid of my legal addictive substance of choice. I feel like it would be a great accomplishment if I could achieve this.

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