Monday, April 13, 2009

Lots of things on my mind today...

First: Being a director is hard sometimes, especially dealing with actors. I'm not going to say anything more specific than that, in an effort to be discreet, since this is a public blog. But sometimes it's frustrating.

Second: Shannon came to visit me here in Chicago from Thursday through Sunday. It was really nice seeing him and spending time with him. We didn't even really do anything special. We just hung out. We got dinner a couple times, we saw a couple of movies. We mostly just hung around the house, enjoying each others' company. And it was good. I really missed him, and I still do, now that he's back in Springfield. Before he came to visit, things were rough. I'm gonna be honest about that. We were both really busy, and we didn't get to talk to each other very much. And when we did talk, it was either for a few minutes at a time, or we were arguing. But when he was here, it was like we were us again. We were us, we weren't fighting...and it was so reassuring. Sometimes I have my doubts, but this trip made me so confident in us.

Third: No, I did not go to church yesterday (I know, on EASTER). Shannon and I went out for breakfast before he left (to PANERA, btw, their breafast sandwiches are AMAZING!). But after he left, I sat down with my bible and my journal and read the Crucifixion and Resurrection accounts from all four Gospels. Lent this year has gone by really fast. I've been so busy with school that I've hardly had time to take notice and reflect on it, so I'm really glad that I got time yesterday to think about it and spend time with God.

The part of the Resurrection that always stands out to me is the story in John of Mary Magdalene outside the tomb. She's so blinded by her grief that she doesn't see Jesus when He's right in front of her. And I think it's because that they (they meaning Jesus' followers) didn't really understand the things that Jesus was telling them about himself. They didn't understand that when He was crucified, it wasn't the end, that he would raise to life again. But why would they understand that? Why would a human being who was dead, who they themselves watched suffer an enormously painful death on the cross come to life again? The thought wouldn't have even occurred to them; in all their (and our) limited human understanding, they wouldn't have been able to understand of and concieve of such a concept.

And you know, sometimes I feel a lot like Mary outside the tomb. Sometimes I feel so blinded and caught up in all the stuff I have going on--schoolwork, my relationship, all my issues--that I...forget about Him. So this is what I thought about yesterday. And I prayed to God that I wouldn't let all of my stuff keep me from him and continue blinding me, and I asked for His help. Because there's no way that I'm going to be able to do it alone. Anytime I try something without Him, I fail.

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