Thursday, August 16, 2012

Things I Like That I Probably Shouldn't

Today isn't Thursday. Well, that's not entirely accurate. You're reading this on Thursday. But I'm not writing it on Thursday.Today is Monday. And I'm just now realizing I probably just broke some sort of blogging rule by telling you that. Whoops. If you could see my face right now, it would be the face of someone who DOESN'T CARE.

Wow. Sorry, you guys. I'm currently in St. Louis, cheating on Starbucks (Shh! Don't tell!) and having the best latte of my life at Kaldi's. I've had WAY too much caffeine already today, which means someone probably should have taken my computer away.

The reason? Today's post is brought to you by my obnoxiousness.

 Today I'm going to talk about things I like that I probably shouldn't like at all. Now, I've already written about junk food fiction. But this will be different. This will probably be basically anything I like that's bad. This way, you won't feel so awful about the terrible things that you like. See, friends? I'm really doing this for you. You're welcome.

1. Lucky Charms cereal

I know, I know. Lucky Charms has to be the worst breakfast cereal for you ever. But it's so good, you guys. It's like eating dessert for breakfast except it's socially acceptable because it's cereal.

2. Bread

The carb thing, I know. You don't have to tell me that. But it's so good. I've definitely been known to eat a piece of bread as a snack.

By now you're probably wondering if all of these are going to be about food. Maybe. Whatever. I don't even care.

3. Speeding on the highway

See? This one isn't food.

And not speeding exactly. More like a general propensity for driving fast. I try not to, you guys. But I have a need...

A need. . . FOR SPEED.

Sorry. I couldn't help it. I like gratuitous and obnoxious movie references. Which brings me to number 4.

4. Being obnoxious

This is a big one. I love being obnoxious and annoying on purpose, for no other reason than that it brings my sick, sadistic heart a little joy. This includes, but is not limited to talking in strange voices, singing badly on purpose, singing irritating songs over and over, and talking loudly on purpose instead of on accident.

I'm going to leave it here. That's how much I like being obnoxious. I'm tempted to give you a nice, even 5 points. I even have more stuff to tell you. But I won't do it, just to prove a point. Part of me is really irritated by it, but the other part is really satisfied.

So there you go. Have a great day, friends.


  1. The carbs thing made me laugh because I was watching Farmer Wants a Wife last night, and one of the farmers grows potatoes. So all the girls he met, one of the first things he asked them was "Do you like potatoes?". The number of girls who went "I do, but I don't eat them because they're SOOOOOO bad for you! Carbs, you know?" was ridiculous.

    I was just sitting there all "Uh. What part of 'Hi, I'm a potato farmer' did you people miss???????" People are dumb, yo.

    1. For real. I'm always surprised at how everywhere got so overrun with stupid people. I blame television. And smartphones. And the internet. Says the woman watching tv with her smartphone sitting beside while posting a comment on her internet blog.