Thursday, January 24, 2013

Adventures in Online Dating

If you're following along at home, you'll recall that I got suckered into online dating by my two darling roommates.

By "darling" I mean they really are the best ever. For real.

And by "suckered" I mean they didn't really have to do any arm twisting.

ANYWHO. As I was saying, Saturday night we had a profile-making party which involved moderate amounts of booze to soften the blow signing up was doing to my ego. My roommates were awesome and helped me figure what to write on my profile.

My experience the past few days has been... EH.

I've messaged with a few guys. And most of the conversations have fallen into the same pattern. We'll connect over a couple of different topics for a little while, and then conversation will kind of...die out, for whatever reason.

And that's fine. I never expected to really connect with someone in the first week.

The thing I have issue with is the way this whole experience makes me feel. With every carefully worded message I send, with every sentence I construct for my profile, I feel as though I am writing an advertisement for myself. I feel as though I am trying to convince someone they want to buy me.

I haven't been on a date in, well, a hell of a long time, so I might have forgotten. Is dating in person like this? Is this a feeling that I've missed? Is the dating game all a big ad for yourself?

Or is this what life is, and I just missed the point? Every time you speak, every time you dress yourself, are you really just trying to convince someone that you're worth their time?

Maybe I'm just not cut out for online dating. I can't bring myself to quit after less than a week, though, despite the fact that I always feel like I'm trying to advertise myself.

So friends, have any of you tried online dating? What has been your experience with it? Good? Bad?


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  2. Good for you! I know that it seems weird to be meeting people online, but I'm so glad that you are giving this a try. I have lots of friends that met their spouses/significant others online, and I did try it for a spell.

    As to "advertising yourself," I refer to Louisa May Alcott's darling story, Little Women. This is from where Jo or Meg (I can't remember which one) is lamenting her lack of gentlemen in her life, to which the youngest, Amy, says "You don't need scores of suitors: you just need one, if he's the right one." You don't need to advertise yourself. Play up your assets, and be the best you that you can be, but you don't need to over think it. You want someone to fall in love with you for you. Trust me, it works better this way.

    I know you are a reader, so I'd suggest Patti Stanger's book "Be your own Matchmaker." I totally thought it would be a fluffy book, but it is totally not. It is a great, quick read, and funny. It is a tough-love type of book and I found that she has a lot of old-world advice for a modern world. She even has an entire section on online dating. (And yes, shortly after I read this book, I began getting a LOT more attention from men, including the one I eventually began dating and got married to)

    Don't worry, Leah. These types of words never soothed me much when I was single, but I KNOW there is someone out there who will fall hopelessly in love with your witty sense of humor, amazing hair, caring attitude and hilariously-perky-yet-eccentric personality. You have so many great qualities and I can't wait to watch your love story unfold! Praying for you, and big hugs!