Okay, I FOR REAL need to get away from work for a while. I feel like I'm turning into a crazy bitch who's grouchy all the time. (Or is that part of my nature? I'm not sure sometimes...) I'm tired of talking to stupid people and mean people and people born with a stick up their ass, and, to be honest, being around the SAME people ALL THE TIME. Except for my manager, Tiff. She and I are like besties now. I'm entirely convinced God sent her to my life. (Okay, so Tiff's not the only exception. Niccole's cool, too.) But the sucky part is I can't get away until September. Like, the middle of September. That's when we have like, a two week break where we don't have shows. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to Chicago, to see all the awesome people I left behind when I graduated last December. But September feels so far away. I might have seriously gone off the deep end by then.

Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back,
Guiltie of dust and sinne.
But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning,
If Ilack'dany thing.
A guest, I answer'd, worthy to be here:
Love said, you shall be he.
"I the unkinde, ungratefull? Ah my deare,
I cannot look on thee."
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
Who made the eyes but I?
Truth Lord, but I have marr'd them: let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.
And know you not, sayes Love, who bore the blame?
My deare, then I will serve.
You must sit down, sayes Love, and taste my meat:
So I did sit and eat.

-George Herbert

Things I should have said...

-I should have screamed out at you "NO! You're wrong! This is dumb!" Instead of just taking it. I was young, and stupid, and surprised. No. Surprised is the wrong word. Floored.
-I miss what might have been for us. There's a little part of my heart that longs for it whenever I think of you.
-You saved my life. I'm thoroughly convinced that God Himself placed you in my life. It is no accident we became friends.
-It's hard for me to look back on us and not feel sad. I feel sorrow, shame, and most of all, regret. All I see are the bad things about us. I would take most of it back, if I could. I would in a heartbeat, and I would give almost anything if I could.
-You have this annoying little skill. You have this amazing ability to make me angry and then make me forget all about it.
-I'm sorry I'm such a bad friend to you. You're the greatest, most Christ-like person I know.
-You do NOT know NEARLY as much as you think you do, you arrogant jerk-face.
-You are INSANELY talented, and I think you underestimate yourself WAY too much.
-I hate that we didn't get along for so long, and I keep thinking of ways it could have been different for us, but...I fail.
-You are for serious my favorite person, even though I don't really show it most of the time.

Update, I guess?

I haven't really been that into the internet lately. I've been working a lot, and so when I come home all I really want to do is crash on my big comfy chair and be a vegetable. But someone told me this week that they missed my blogs, so here I am, trying to write again.

Many things have happened since I wrote last. I went to Bri and G's wedding and realized how much I miss my friends from Concordia. Sometimes my heart aches when I think about them, I miss them so much. (Can I tell you a secret? Sometimes I wonder if my years at college really WERE the best years of my life. I miss everyone so much.)

Work has been...interesting. One of my co-workers was a really toxic person. The kind of person who pretends to be everyone's best friend but is really spreading animosity, division and is ultimately poison disguised as a human. I know this may sound harsh, but it felt like Satan trying to wear down my soul. I was considering quitting my job because of her. But she's no longer employed at the theatre. And now it feels so much more relaxed there. I never really struggled much with being "in" the world but not "of" the world until I knew her. It was so easy to slip into her gossip and drama. It was definitely a learning experience, and while she caused a lot of pain, I'm a little grateful I went through it. I think it was a lesson I needed to learn. Maybe I've said too much. I can only hope she doesn't read this. She knows where I live.


Speaking of work, my manager is awesome. She has become one of my best friends. I truly believe God sent her to me.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. I'll try and think of something cleverer to say next time.