Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I'm not okay.

I had a difficult time writing this post. I've been struggling lately, with my own emotions.

I recognize that I am a highly emotional person. I feel things very strongly. You'd think that after 26 years of living with this particular personality quirk, that I would be able to embrace it. But I can't.

Something has told me that it's not okay for emotion to be the governing force in my life, that I must be cold and logical instead.

And while I am able to logic my way through my emotions and discern which particular feelings may be completely irrational and why I'm having them, for me, for some reason, that's not enough. For a reason I can't quite explain, if I could make myself less emotional I would.

I hate having emotions so strong that I feel like I'm still going through puberty. I hate crying at the drop of a hat about things that don't deserve tears. I hate getting angry about stuff that should only be mildly irritating. I hate being overly excited about things, because of the way people fake smile and go "That's great."

I know that the thing that matters is not the having of emotions, but the reaction to said emotions. I know that I can't control the emotions, and that's okay, but that I can control my reaction to them.

But I still don't know how to be okay with this part of myself.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sure we've talked about R-E-T before. Always happy to chat.

    I love you.