Word Vomit

That's what this blog's gonna be: word vomit. I haven't blogged in a while, too long, in fact. So this blog will be a long rambling mess of a summary of my life since the last blog entry.

My online class started last week. Values and Virtues. Required senior class at Concordia, in which we're taught how to form, vocalize, and analyze our... (you guessed it) Values and Virtues. I'm convinced that I would drown in this class had I not taken History of Theatre Directed Study this past semester. If I can take that class Directed Study, I can take pretty much any class. And I think I got a B in it, too. I was really pleased. But I'm distracted. The online discussion format is a little weird. I don't really feel like I have any idea who the other people in the class are. I realize it's only been one week, but I feel like if I were actually taking this class, I would know these people more than I do, even after one week. However, it does have its benefits. I feel like it gives us all the chance to respond more calmly than we would get in person. At least this is true for me. I tend to speak before I think, and so the written discussion format works best for me.

I (groan) STILL don't have a job. I registered at a Temp agency, and they have something for me at the beginning of July, which is rapidly approaching! Eek! I do, however have a lead on a babysitting job I found on Craigslist. I really hope she hires me...

On August 1st, I'm going to Texas to visit my grandparents! I'm so excited! I haven't been down there for a couple of years, and so I'm really anxious to get down there and see them. It's only a week-long trip; not like the three week long trips I used to take down there when I was younger. I'm so excited to go there. It's like home for me. When I think of summer, I think of their house.

Speaking of my grandparents, the last I've heard from my grandfather is that he's recieving the treatment very well. The symptoms are starting to go away, and he hasn't had very many side effects. I'm very thankful for that.

Also, I hate the America's Next Top Model theme song. "La la laaa laaaaa la la la." That all it is. It reminds me of the Schnuck's song on their commercials. [You'll really only understand that if you live in or around St. Louis.]

Also having to do with ANTM, I hate it when the judges tell people they're dull and have no personality. Maybe they're just reserved! There's nothing wrong with being reserved! It makes me so angry when the judges call them dull. Argh!

Ok, I think I'm done rambling. Hope you had fun. I know I did.

Today was AWESOME

Ok, so awesome story. I went to the DMV here in Warrenton to get a change of address on my driver's license. The woman asks me for the $12.50 that it costs, and I pull out my debit card. She says "we only take cash or check." Problem. I have no checks. And only $11.00. So she says, "Here, I'll just take what you have and you can bring me $1.50 later." This is one of the reasons why living in a small town is a good thing. If this were to happen to me in St. Louis, there is NO WAY the same outcome would have occurred.

I am weary.

And I don't just mean tired. I am weary in the world-worn sense, the kind of emotion where stress is just starting to wear you down to the point where you just want to crawl into bed and sleep until Jesus comes again.

Money is the root of all evil. It's certainly the source of my problems. I don't have enough. Everyone's looking for jobs, and no one is hiring. And if they ARE hiring, they're certainly looking for someone who's planning on having the job for more than 2 months. I need a job. I have a parking ticket (stupid St. Louis City) and bills I can't pay. I've started looking for babysitting jobs on Craigslist, and I have a lead on one, a couple of overnight jobs. But these aren't until next month. I'm really hoping something will come.

I am weary, let me rest.

You can't cut a steak with a coat

I read this post in a blog I follow. (http://french-graffiti.blogspot.com/2009/06/shes-just-not-that-into-you.html) If you're wondering why Mr. Right hasn't shown up yet, read this.

"I ran into a guy I knew from somewhere (vagueness is key on the internet). I was in a jovial mood so I invited the guy for a drink. I wasn't looking for anything serious with this guy but I thought some drunken flirting, kissing, etc might be fun.

Two martinis later (vodka, dirty, always, please, thank you) I decided that it had been way too long since I last had sex. So against the Audrey Hepburn part of my brain, I decided, "Fuck it, I'm allowed to have fun and get laid." I followed this gentleman back to his house.

Sexing ensued. And at some point during it, I realized, to quote the Bluth family, "I've made a terrible mistake." This gentleman really actually *liked* me. Like liked, liked. "Do-you-like-me-Check-yes-or-no" like.

I've been this guy before, the "I like you guy", the one making cute little jokes, cuddling, so happy to be in the bed with a certain person. Thinking that everything was going so well. But, unfortunately for him, he's not what I was looking for. I was looking to get laid, plain and simple. No messiness, no promises of future dates, just a fun romp. But he didn't know this, and how could he? Now here is where I understand where men are coming from.

Because see, there's nothing actually wrong with his guy. He's adorable, kind, etc. It's not like there was something he could have done to change my mind/feelings about him. It's just that he's not what I want right now. It's like if I went into a store and said, "Show me your best china" and you brought me back a Marc Jacobs coat, I would say, "That's a great coat but that's not at all what I'm looking for."

Now I get it. I get why things seem to be going so great with a guy -- we have a great evening, kissing, cuddling, etc -- only to not hear from him the next day. I'm just not "it". Not what he's looking for. "Just not that into me" etc. And it's actually true. Because I'm a Marc Jacobs coat, he knows, I know it. But he's looking for cutlery. And you can't cut a steak with a coat."

My Grandfather

On Monday, we found out that my grandfather has a carcinoid tumor on his liver. According to MayoClinic.com,

"Carcinoid tumors are a slow-growing type of cancer that can arise in several places throughout your body. Carcinoid tumors usually appear in the gastrointestinal tract (appendix, stomach, small intestine, colon, rectum) and in the lungs. But, carcinoid tumors can also begin in other organs, including the ovaries and testes.

Carcinoid tumors rarely cause signs and symptoms until late in the disease. Carcinoid tumors can produce and release hormones into your body that cause signs and symptoms such as diarrhea or skin flushing."

They're not sure what the treatment is going to be. He has an appointment on Tuesday, and that's going to be discussed.

Honestly, I'm not as worried as I was before we found out the results of the biopsy. I think it's because of the phrase "slow-growing." I think how worried I get depends on how sick he gets.

Ok, scratch all of that. I'm actually scared out of my mind.