I Need.

Well, it's been a week since I've moved in. And I'm all unpacked. Mostly. There's one box that I haven't gotten to yet. I can't seem to work up the motivation to go through it. I've been into Springfield a handful of times already, and the drive is starting to get annoying.

I've been feeling lonely lately. I spend most of my time alone, since I still don't have a job. I finally met someone who lives here at the complex. Her name is Yvonne, and I think she's around my age, maybe a little older. I met her today. We were both working out on elliptical machines that were next to each other. She's really nice. It was nice to talk with someone else. In person, I mean. Last night I had a long conversation with my friend Matt, which was nice.

I need two things:
--A job
--To make new friends. (Not that I don't like my "old" friends. They just aren't in the same city I'm in.)

Just kidding. Three things. I also need a bookcase.

Moving (on)

So...I'm moving tomorrow. Into my first post-graduate apartment. And I'm kind of nervous. I'm moving to Branson, MO, to look for work there. Branson has a lot of shows and stuff, so there's a lot of theatres. I'm going to try to find a job at one of them. I'd rather not perform, but I'll take anything that pays the bills. I'd much rather be behind the scenes.

But I have family in Springfield which is about 45 minutes away, so it's not like I'll be completely alone. In fact, all three of my stepsisters live in the Springfield area, which is so weird. Two of them used to live out of state, but now live there. It's going to be nice having my stepsisters there. I didn't grow up with any of them, so I don't really feel like a sister sometimes. I really feel called to work on my relationships with my sisters. I didn't really have a plan for after graduation, and I think there's a reasonable amount of opportunity for me in Branson, so I decided that was my plan, mostly because it enabled me to be closer to my sisters.

But...I'm also nervous because I'm not really finished packing. about 50% of my clothes still aren't packed, not to mention most of the stuff in my room and bathroom. That's going to be my afternoon project, even though I'd much rather putz around on my NEW COMPUTER! (I'm super excited about it, but that's not the point.)

Another thing I'm nervous about is being able to get all my stuff down to Branson in one trip. We're taking cars, not renting a truck or anything. I think I'm going to set aside some boxes that can wait until later to go down, just in case.

Well, I think I've rambled on about this for far too long. I'm going to try to force myself to pack a little bit.

Lame, NBC. Lame (Part Deux)

Last night I watched part of SNL. NOT funny. What happened? Granted, I don't watch SNL that often. But I remember when I would watch SNL every so often, it would be hilarious! The only funny part was Weekend Update. But that always was the funniest part, wasn't it?

One thing that really bothered me is that no one looked at each other during the skits. They were too busy reading their lines from a cue card. Has that always been the case? I guess I just don't remember it. It made everything even less funny.

Sorry I'm so critical the last couple of days. I don't really know what's gotten into me.

Lame, NBC. Lame

Dear NBC,

I heard on the radio today that you're paying Conan O'Brian $30 million to walk away from late-night so that you can give it back to Jay Leno. If this is true, I just want you to know that you are giving yourself a death sentence. This is making not only Jay Leno look like a toolbox, but it is also making you look bad. Conan is actually funny. Leno is annoying, and won't get ratings as good as Conan. Late night is going to tank, and you're going to lose even more viewers to Letterman. Also, in the process of making yourself and Leno look bad, you're making Conan look like the victim in all this. Odds are, he'll come out of this with AWESOME publicity and tons of offers to do all sorts of great stuff, tons of people will like him, etc. He'll probably end up getting a show on a rival network which will skyrocket. I just wanted to make sure you're aware of all the stupid stuff you're doing.

Sincerely Leah.

P.S. Jimmy Fallon isn't funny, either. He's also super annoying. Especially when he kept breaking character because he was laughing. (*cough* SNL *cough*)

[As a postscript, I just want to add that I like Craig Ferguson better than Conan, Letterman, Leno, and Fallon combined, and I wish desperately that his show weren't on so late. I think Craig Ferguson is HILARIOUS. Or maybe the Scottish accent is why I like him so much. :) ]

This week, Pat Robertson said that the disaster in Haiti was caused by a supposed deal with the devil they made to drive the French out. He essentially said that they had it coming. I don't understand how someone claiming to be Christian can be so angry, vengeful and completely without an understanding of God's grace and love. Donald Miller provided an excellent response to Robertson's comment. I really encourage you to read it.

I'm really struggling to curb my own anger at Robertson, because I know that I have just as much brokenness as he does. But I am angry. I'm angry that he basically said that the people of Haiti deserve this. I'm angry that now, because of him, people who don't know Christ will think of all Christians a vengeful and angry and think of God that way. But while I'm angry with Robertson, he makes me sad. My heart breaks with his lack of understanding.

I don't know why things like this happen. I don't know why incredible disaster and devastation happen in this world, other than as a result of original sin. Maybe that's the only explanation there is. My mom posted a facebook status this week that reads: "To Pat Robertson...I believe that on that day you WILL answer for your years of false teaching. To my friends on Facebook who may not yet know Christ, please don't take the charlatan Robertson as representative of Christianity." If you're reading this and aren't a Christian, know this: God is not vengeful and hateful and angry and doesn't seek to punish us by sending devastating earthquakes and other natural disasters.God has a furious, unending love that seeks to bring us to Him, no matter the cost. He left heaven and came down to earth to bring us to Him. He suffered and died to atone for our sins and bring us to him. He loves us more than our limited human understanding can fathom, Pat Robertson included.

I spent a couple of days in Chicago this week. I still had a few things at the apartment that I needed to get. It was a good visit, but all of a sudden I was very aware that Concordia isn't my school anymore. I was already feeling the disconnect that accompanies graduating. I knew people were glad to see me, but it's like I was an observer, just on the outside looking in. But that feeling wasn't in the same way I've experienced it for much of my life. Quite frequently I've felt like I was just on the outside, at a place where I shouldn't have been. But Concordia isn't my place anymore. This time, it felt natural for me to be merely an observer. It felt natural because, I suppose that I'm ready to move on with my life, to find a new place to be, new people to meet. But I'm still nervous. I'm nervous about what God has in store for me. I know that it's not for me to know his plans just yet, and that I have to trust in Him. And I do trust Him. But I'm still nervous.

2009

Okay, so this is the post when I talk about how great or sucky 2009 was. I suppose it was a little of both.

I directed my first play, a one-act in the spring. And it was one of my most favorite experiences from college. I absolutely loved it. It made me realize that I would love to direct plays at a place like Concordia, a place that's concerned about learning, not only regarding actors but also techies and directors, too. I love directing.

The summer was sucky. Not only did I not find a job, but I was fighting all the time with my (then) boyfriend.

September brought the return of school (thank God!) but also the breakup with my boyfriend. And though it was difficult to deal with at the time, it really was for the best, and to be honest, I'm much happier. So, I guess it was a good thing disguised as something sucky. Which I guess is okay.

In November, I gave my senior voice recital, and it was AWESOME. If you didn't get to see it, boy you sure missed out. But I was surprised that so many people came. The band room was packed. Even sick people came to my recital. If you came and you're reading this, THANK YOU.

I also experienced my last semester in Kapelle, including last tour and last Lessons and Carols. Thank you, Kapelle, for a stellar last semester. I couldn't have asked for a better one. I will miss you all dearly, friends.

And the icing on the cake was that I graduated! To be honest, I wasn't too excited, since I have no life plan. That sounds stupid. Life plan. Realistically, who knows what they want to do for the rest of their lives right after the graduate from college? I have to remember that all of the church work and education majors at Concordia AREN'T representative of real circumstances. I know that most people don't have their whole lives figured out right out of college.

So what next? Well, I'm moving to Branson, MO. I'm even filling out apartment applications. I'm going to look for a job at a theatre there. Why Branson? All three of my stepsisters live in Springfield, which is about 45 minutes away.

Other than that, I have no clue what 2010 has in store for me. It'll be an adventure for sure.